Planning
by Keeper of the Fandom
Summary: Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you are fed up with your bro evading his sexuality. It's obvious to everyone but him, so you have come up with the BEST PLAN EVER to get him to admit it to himself. The only trick is to take it slow. Can't scare him away, now can you? Yaoi, which means boy-on-boy, JohnxDave.


Your name is Dave Strider and you're pretty much fed up with your bro's evasion of his sexuality.

Seriously, it's getting frustrating. Every day, all you hear from him is 'No homo' this and 'Dude, I'm not a homosexual' that. It's gotten old, it's gotten annoying, and above all it sounds a bit desperate, as if he's trying to convince himself as well as you. Moving away from that for the moment, though, perhaps you should explain where you are.

The events leading up being once again stranded on a stupid asteroid as you hurtle through not-space are a bit fuzzy. You remember chasing Bec and that other dog/bird/sword/whatever thing, you remember catching up to them and trying to get Jade back, but everything after that is honestly just a blur.

You think you maybe grabbed Jade and high-tailed it back to that mind-controlled girl who then brought her back to life, but you also could have had a totally badass confrontation with Bec where you kicked his sorry sword-toting ass into next week – literally. You find that unlikely though, since you had to pry what looked like a plastic princess crown off your sword after dragging the no-longer-mind-controlled girl out of the thick of things.

Then there's a moment of clarity where you remember hiking back through the jungle, carrying Jade's limp body and navigating around some weird-ass alien trees, but then comes another infuriating blurred spot filled with strange red flashes and honking. You don't really understand what either of those things could mean, but you get a distinctly creeped-out feeling whenever you think about it, so you just don't.

You honestly think it's better that way.

Finally your mind cleared for good, blessed consciousness returning, just in time for you to see a chunk of whichever planet you were standing on at the time get ripped away from the whole and thrown into space - right through a big, red, pointy battleship. You were mildly concerned about whoever was on board, but once you saw your bro Karkat grinning ferally about it, you relaxed and figured it was an enemy.

So you once again escaped certain death, with all of your friends intact (surprisingly), and are now waiting for Rose and Kanaya to figure out what the flying fuck just happened. Jade is being held in a Void-fortified room by Roxy until you figure out how to break her of her Grimbarkness, Roxy herself is holding Jade inside but also muttering about someone named 'Fefeta' which is kinda worrying but she assures you it isn't so okay, Nanaquin and Erisol are ascertaining the structural integrity of the new asteroid, and John is steering the thing through the Furthest Ring.

You narrow your eyes as your thoughts wander back to the object of your ire. His utter and complete denial about his latent bisexuality is infuriating, and after a long and complex session of debating whether or not to act (and by that you mean the two seconds it takes you to reply instantly 'hell yes') and a quick trip to the Alchemeter Roxy Voided up for everyone, you begin plotting.

**BE THAT OTHER GUY ======**

You are now that other guy, also known as John Egbert, and you are blissfully unaware of the plotting going on somewhere behind you. The only thing you are concerned about is piloting this hunk of rock away from anyone who may try to pursue you: Bec Noir, Lord English, Her Imperial Condescension (whose ship you may or may not have accidentally crashed through)…

Pity, too. You could have avoided so much awkwardness and stress…

**BE THE BLOND ONE AGAIN ======**

You are once again the diabolical plotter known as Dave Strider, and you masterpiece of manipulative planning is complete. It is truly worthy of the manipulator's Hall of Fame, and you are doubtful anyone could come up with anything better.

But of course, at that moment, two people you are stuck on this miserable hunk of rock with, Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam, come along as they chat animatedly about where your meteor is and where it might be headed.

You expect them to pass right by you, completely unknowing of your masterminding brilliance, but without even looking away from her conversational partner Kanaya deftly plucks your plan from your fingers and begins crossing out some truly idiotic parts that you added simply to make it more challenging for yourself. She then adds in some extra steps to counteract some glaring holes that had, admittedly, completely slipped your notice, and then hands the plan to Rose.

The girl scribbles down one more thing, also without looking away or ceasing her inane chatter about trajectories and target vectors, before tossing your plan back at you and continuing on her way with Kanaya.

You gaze in awe down at the God trapped in the form of a cunning set of prerogatives, twitching slightly as its conniving brilliance brings a literal tear to your eye. Just one, though, because anything more would be uncool, and you doubt even you could pass it off as ironic. Oh yeah, you can just hear yourself now: "Yeah man, I wasn't actually crying. Those were ironic tears."

Honestly, even trying would be pathetic.

You quickly compose yourself and stand determinedly, tucking your plan into a pocket of your sweet God-tier threads before extending your senses to search out John. Your timey-wimey powers sense his unique temporal signature fairly close by, and so you begin to trek in his direction. You consider flying, but what would happen if the asteroid simply continued without you? No, walking seems like the best option.

You find John lying at the edge of a little copse of trees, waving his fingers in a lazy pattern as he stares up at the flashes of not-light and un-matter whizzing by. He glances down at you as you approach and gives you a smile before returning his attention to the apparently-captivating sky, and you smile slightly back before remembering your plan with a shake of your head.

You lie down beside the little raven-haired hunk of adorableness, because fuck if he isn't the tiniest thing you've ever seen, and put a hand behind your head. The other you let 'casually' fall to your side, making sure it lands on John's hip while at the same time not seeming suspicious or planned.

John tenses for a moment, his eyes probably flicking down to pin your hand with his gaze, before ever-so-gradually relaxing again as he realizes the placement wasn't intentional. You smile to yourself, on the inside of course, and just lose yourself in the shapes whipping past as John relaxes more and more.

A few minutes later, though, when the Egbert beside you has resumed his previous level of relaxation, you let your thumb begin to flow back and forth, rubbing soothing circles into John's hipbone. The boy draws in a sharp breath, and you can feel his head whipping around to stare at you.

Keeping the slightly-glazed, vacant look on your face, you remain looking at the sky as John eyes you with trepidation. But then your thumb 'accidentally' presses just a bit harder, and he lets out a surprised, keening whimper.

You still don't look at him, knowing that he could bolt at any time, and instead of the cocky slash seductive grin you want to shoot him, you let your eyes slip closed as you let out a sigh of contentment.

You don't know exactly what goes through John's head at that point, because of course your eyes are closed and you're a Knight of Time, not a whatever of Light, but you do know that the boy shifts closer to you, ever-so-slightly. And then again, when he sees your lack of reaction, so that your arm is pressed against his as you continue your one-fingered massage.

John lets out a sigh, and you risk a miniscule turning of your head and a cracking of your eyes to see him letting his own eyes flutter closed. You smirk for a split second before resuming your small, absently-dreamy smile, letting your second finger start to move and begin a sort of pinching massage.

"Nngh…" John groans out shortly, shooting you a hasty look as he registers the sound that slipped out of his mouth. When you again don't react, he closes his eyes and begins to lose himself in the sensations you're providing. You snicker to yourself at his adorable naivety, making sure he can't hear you of course, before letting yourself actually drift off into the shifting patterns.

Phase One complete.

**SEE WHAT THE OTHER GUY'S THINKING ========**

Like I said before, you are John Egbert, and you have absolutely no idea what's going on. One minute you're staring peacefully up at the sort-of sky that's flying by, the next you find yourself melting into a puddle under the talented fingers of your bro. You are most definitely not a homosexual, but you have to admit to yourself: Dave is really good at that.

Also, a small part of you wonders how massaging a hip could feel that good, but then a particularly hard press and rolling of Dave's fingers draws another small sound from you, and you're forced to abandon that train of thought.


End file.
